Pica Read online

  Pica

  Jeff Gardiner

  Dedicated to Emily and Bethany.

  Acknowledgements

  I’d like to thank Samantha Curtis and Lorraine Mace for their support and encouragement, plus my editors at Accent Press, Rebecca Lloyd and Alex Davies, for their wise advice.

  CONTENTS

  Acknowledgements

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Chapter Thirty-six

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  Chapter Forty

  Accent YA

  With Special Thanks to

  Luca, Son of the Morning

  Rosie Goes to War

  The Deepest Cut

  The Sea Singer

  Other Young Adult Titles

  Chapter One

  This new planet possessed the familiar signs of life – oceans, continents, oxygen, carbon-based life-forms, and an inhabitable climate. Within seconds, my avatar hovered over the lush, green world where I could see jungles, mountain streams, and vast plains, like the Serengeti, all teeming with wildlife. A quick scan showed the planet contained over four thousand species of mammal, plus tens of thousands of species of birds alone. An eco-system of such incredible biodiversity deserved just one response. I pressed the button to release a monstrous tongue of napalm flame.

  Trees blazed into an inferno immediately; miles of forest wiped out in a single blow. Creatures stampeded in swathes. Clouds of birds erupted into the air, fleeing the conflagration; some already ablaze or singed. Then I carefully aimed two nuclear missiles with such accuracy that they blew away all visible greenery, and using heat-seeking weaponry I chased and finished off the dwindling flocks of birds, picking off stragglers one by one. I waited until the entire landscape on each horizon became a black desert of ash before landing my ship.

  Beaming down to the planet’s surface in nanoseconds, I found myself sitting behind the wheel of the most powerful, indestructible, pimped up, ultra-modified super tank, which possessed unlimited weapons including laser, flamethrower, missiles, and an even greater nuclear capacity than I’d used so far. It protected me from the still-spreading radioactive fallout. As an amphibian vehicle it could also turn into a submarine or full-on warship; on dry land, though, it reached speeds of over four hundred miles an hour. Awesome.

  My mission was to take over the entire planet, but before I could fully lay claim to this dominion I was forced to stop on seeing hordes of strange, ugly rhinoceros-lizard hybrid creatures charge towards me. They had survived the nuclear blast. I had to think quickly. Pressing the accelerator, I crushed hundreds of them under my ten tons. Others flew off the spiked bumpers of my vehicle in various directions, spattering blood around randomly. With a simple press of a button I scattered a few smart bombs and watched as limbs and gore spiralled before my bulletproof windscreen.

  I kill mercilessly and drop a hundred chemical bombs to pollute the rivers, kill off all vegetation, and poison all living species, which left the planet wiped of life and finally belonging to me. This world will be mine! Or at least it will after completing level twenty of Organik Apokalypse. Bring it on.

  ‘Luke? Dinner’s ready.’ Mum’s voice could just be heard over the explosions. I activated a series of chemical bombs to ensure the extinction of all existing lifeforms.

  ‘I said dinner’s ready!’ Mum called again.

  A herd of giant scarlet bovine creatures suddenly came into view. I wiped them out with a single gigantic flame. That felt good. Now I had to find a place to begin building the megalopolis – my giant city of concrete and chrome skyscrapers. My army of autominions were ready to be released. They would hunt down and kill off any surviving creatures, begin to build my giant cities, then colonise the entire planet, with me as their master – the conqueror of yet another world.

  ‘Luke! Did you hear me?’

  ‘Yeah, in a minute.’

  ‘No, Luke, now. We have guests.’

  How annoying. I was nearly there. Mission almost complete.

  ‘I just need to save where I am. Hang on.’

  ‘Luke! Come down. Now!’ I heard Dad shout. ‘The food is getting cold and we’re all waiting for you.’

  Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

  Parents just don’t understand these things. All because adults can’t wait a few moments and prefer food that burns their mouths. What consideration did they have for me, exactly? I pushed my chair away with the back of my legs in contempt, hoping they’d hear it fall to the floor. Then some noisy stomping down the stairs would show them my feelings on the matter.

  I still felt angry when I walked into the silent dining room. Three strange faces sat around the table – a boy sat in my place and an elderly couple offering me fake smiles. Dad sat in his usual chair and Mum stood serving a pile of plates. I checked out the boy. He looked a bit of a freak. You know the sort – a saddo. Not a geeky type or a boff – more a bit of a loner … a victim. His clothes looked slightly grubby and his hair was totally uncool; greasy and parted down the middle. I had to hold my nose to stop myself from sniggering. This was going to be one very dull meal.

  Mum sat down and lifted the lid off the casserole dish.

  ‘Right, then. Please help yourself to vegetables.’

  The meal began with awkward silence then stupid small talk about the weather. The boy was introduced to me as Guy. Crappy name if you ask me. Don’t guys get burnt on bonfires? I made an indistinct grunting noise and nodded in his direction without really catching his eye – mainly because I couldn’t bear looking at his hideous hair and grubby shirt. The stupid git needed a bath and some deodorant too. It turned out the couple were his foster parents, looking after him because his mum was ill.

  ‘Guy will be living round the corner for the foreseeable future, Luke, so perhaps you’d be willing to show him around and be generally friendly,’ Dad said with some emphasis, before speaking through gritted teeth. ‘I realise that doesn’t always come naturally to you.’

  I contorted my face into a sneering smile which seemed good enough for my parents. They were so easy to con.

  ‘We’d appreciate that greatly,’ said the man, smiling through his grey toothbrush moustache. ‘Wouldn’t we, Celia?’ His wife nodded enthusiastically before reaching out to pinch Guy’s cheek.

  ‘We want what’s best for our little poppet. Don’t we, duckie?’

  When Guy looked back with big cute Disney eyes and nodded sweetly, I felt a huge urge to regurgitate my dinner.

  After a completely tedious half an hour of being forced to smile politely at the inane conversation and answer dumb questions about school, I finally asked if I could leave the table.

  �
��We haven’t all finished eating, yet, young man,’ growled Dad. I mumbled inaudibly, but with enough gusto for everyone to see my displeasure. It was vital Guy should see who was boss around here. ‘What’s with the attitude, exactly?’ Dad went on, intent on ruining my street cred. ‘Just sit quietly and show some manners.’

  I rolled my eyes because I knew it annoyed him.

  ‘Well, if he’s finished, dear, he might as well leave us to it.’ Mum was obviously keen to avoid a confrontation in front of our guests.

  ‘Right. Thank you,’ I said, wanting to make my point clear. I made sure I only looked at Mum, avoiding Dad’s usual scowl.

  ‘Go on then, dear.’

  I was aware of Dad tutting as I strutted triumphantly out of the room, then he mumbled something to Mum about undermining his authority. She replied about him being too tough on me. Before I’d reached the top of the stairs the visitors made some excuse to leave early even before Mum could offer them coffee and chocolate mints.

  Safely back in my room, I clicked on to the icon for Organik Apokalypse and spent about an hour choosing locations for each city. I watched as my autominions, now reproduced in their billions, began the large-scale building process. What once had been jungle, river, and plains was now filled with shining towers and concrete blocks. Cities soon joined together to make mega-regions, until the entire planet became a mass of concrete; one giant urban conurbation ready to be filled with humans who would bow down to me as the master of their world. Now the planet was nearly fully transformed my work was almost done.

  I strode majestically amongst my autominions, overseeing the whole process of building tower blocks and ultra-cities, as spaceships, miles long, brought the planet’s new human population to settle here. I had to think of a name for this planet, one that reflected the courage and heroism of its founding Emperor – me.

  A flashing display on the bottom right of my visor warned me that a native lifeform had been detected. What?! I thought I’d obliterated all life-forms, so I checked my weapon belt and sprinted off in the direction of the alert. These battles gave me a great deal of satisfaction – the thrill of the hunt.

  I selected a rocket launcher with a laser harpoon attachment and ran towards the last piece of natural, albeit decimated, wasteland left on the planet. A quick scan showed nothing but giant rock formations; a deep gully. I strode stealthily towards the first outcrop, expecting something to leap out at me. Nothing.

  Enjoying the challenge of one-to-one combat I switched off all scanners and radar, which required skill and swift reactions – something I’d mastered from hours of gameplay and the reason I was worshipped like a god on so many planets. I was invincible.

  The initial warning came as a sound. A snort? Having found attack to be the best form of defence I ran wildly towards the sound. I took a sharp left after a giant boulder and came face to face with the creature.

  About ten feet high, it had the solid legs and massive tail of a lizard, but the head of an insect with mandible pincers that snapped together from side to side. It spat what seemed to be acidic venom, which I avoided deftly with a series of jumps and rolls.

  Using the laser harpoon, I hit it in the chest but it hardly seemed to notice. I charged the rocket-launcher, hoping to aim it squarely between the eyes.

  A loud screech from behind me made me jump.

  I let go the controls of my game and whipped my head round, perplexed.

  There on my windowsill stood a damn bird.

  The top, small window pane was still open on its hook, and I hadn’t bothered to close my curtains yet. The stupid idiot must have hopped through the opening and come into my room. What was that all about?

  It was black and white with a long tail flicking up and down. A magpie. I’d never taken a great deal of interest in birds, but Dad always bored me senseless by telling me their stupid names when we went for crappy walks in the countryside.

  Now a bloody magpie was in my bedroom checking me out. I stayed in my seat and stared back at it, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do. I considered jumping up and waving my arms, to scare it back out the window. But that might only panic it and send it flapping round my head. Perhaps I should creep towards the window and open it before shooing it out. That sounded the best plan, but what if the bugger pecked me if I got too close? It had a long, black beak and sharp claws. My instinct told me to call for Dad, but I wasn’t a baby any more who needed Mummy and Daddy to help me every time.

  This was a freakingly bizarre standoff.

  It shrieked again. Loudly.

  ‘Piss off, you stupid dumb bird.’ I couldn’t move. I wasn’t thinking quickly enough here.

  Just then, a scrabbling sound to my left distracted me and my door opened. At first I assumed Mum or Dad had come up to investigate the noise, but in shot a familiar small shape; Frisky, our cat. He hissed and leapt straight towards the magpie, which immediately spread its wings and squawked in self-defence. Frisky took a swipe at the bird and landed on the floor. The bird flapped its way around my room, swooping at me and the cat. I ducked like a coward, and even Frisky seemed a bit shocked at this counter-attack.

  I wondered if we were going to get pecked to death. Serve my parents right if they came up to find my still-bleeding corpse. Then they’d realise how much they should’ve appreciated me. With nothing to lose, I jumped up and waved my arms manically.

  ‘Sod off, you gimp!’

  The magpie landed back on the windowsill and I froze, ready to reach out to open the larger window. The magpie, however, seemed to have had enough. It hopped up towards the small opening, and looked back at me with a sideways stare. Its black eye seemed to blink. Then with one last shriek, it ducked its head and disappeared.

  As soon as it had gone, I closed the window.

  What the hell?

  For a moment I sat on my bed trying to work out what exactly had just happened. My next thought returned to my game. Glancing at the screen, I watched my avatar getting bludgeoned to death by the humanoid-insect’s whiplash tail. I could only look on helplessly as it played sadistically with my dying body. The hideous thing leaned towards me to bite off my head in its razor-toothed jaw, leaving several other creatures to squabble over the remains of my innards and carcass, until the screen went red and offered me a return to a previously saved level. I’d have to begin level twenty all over again.

  Then I remembered Frisky, looking sorry for himself, sat in the middle of my carpet. I got down on my knees to stroke his soft fur.

  ‘Thanks for trying, buddy. That was a bit weird, eh?’

  As I tickled his chin to console him, he bit me, sinking his teeth into my finger and clawing the back of my hand.

  ‘You bastard!’

  I whipped my hands firmly around the cat’s middle. I tucked him under my left arm, with that hand grasping both back paws; my right hand firmly holding both of Frisky’s front paws. Unfortunately, this left my right hand exposed to the cat’s sharp teeth. He struggled, but had to content himself with giving me a sharp nip. Ignoring the pain, I rapidly changed my hold until I got the stupid creature in a tight bear hug. I got a few scratches through my jumper, but it seemed worth the hassle. In this position I inched towards the window. Then in one swift movement I opened it outwards and threw Frisky out into the darkness. There followed a thud and a yowl. I’d heard cats always land on their feet, so what was the problem?

  Perhaps the magpie was out there waiting for him. On the other hand, why did I care?

  Finally succumbing to tiredness, I went to bed.

  Chapter Two

  Just after nine a.m. Dad woke me up by opening the curtains and plonking down a cup of tea on the bedside cabinet. I hated tea in the morning – especially the way Dad made it; way too milky to start, then as it got cold it always grew a thick, rubbery skin that looked like dried glue. More often than not I’d chuck it down the loo when Dad wasn’t looking. This time he actually spoke to me as he set the mug down.

  ‘Hav
e you seen Frisky? He’s not in here with you, is he?’

  ‘Uh-uh,’ I replied, yawning heartily. It didn’t twig at first.

  ‘It’s just that he didn’t appear for his breakfast. We can’t find him anywhere. You didn’t let him out, did you?’ Then my brain caught up with my ears.

  ‘Nope.’ I made a big pantomime of stretching nonchalantly and then scratching my head as if in deep thought. ‘Perhaps he found a way outside and went exploring.’

  ‘Mmm, possibly. It’s just not like him, that’s all.’ This was true. He was an old house cat – hardly ever went outside. ‘He needs his tablet too.’ Dad finally left the room muttering to himself.

  Hell! I’d forgotten about Frisky’s heart murmur. Now I felt really guilty. Pushing back the duvet, I jumped up, put on my blue fluffy dressing gown and moccasin slippers, and went to help search for Frisky.

  Please be there, Frisky. Don’t let anything have happened to him …

  Mum and Dad were lifting up the furniture and looking in cupboards.

  ‘Was a window left open last night? Perhaps he got out?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think so,’ Mum answered, deep in thought.

  ‘The bathroom window was left open. I just closed it,’ I lied. ‘I heard a noise last night. Maybe Frisky jumped out the bathroom window. Shall I go and look outside?’

  ‘I suppose it’s worth a try,’ Mum said, looking puzzled. ‘I could’ve sworn I checked the bathroom.’

  I began to unlock the back door and hope my burning face didn’t give me away.

  ‘Not in your slippers, Luke!’ my mum shrieked, as if I was about to inject myself with heroin. ‘Honestly, you’ll get mud on them. I’ll go.’

  Mum stepped outside, calling out, ‘Frisky!’ Not wanting to look too soppy, or give the game away, I had to hide my relief when the stupid moggie suddenly appeared from behind the shed.

  ‘It’s OK Luke, Frisky’s here. You were right – he was outside.’

  ‘Of course I was right,’ I said coolly. ‘Aren’t I always?’

  Seeing the old flea-bag calmed me down. Frisky was about the only animal I could get to like. Maybe. He was OK when he let me tickle his tummy.